Archive 07/31/08 - (2)

   

Dumb Fuck

Just the other morning,

I chanced to read, in the nation's rag, USA Today,

An astonishing squib, by a primatologist,

 

Touting the acquired skills of the chimpanzee,

Which I took with a grain of considerable incredulity,

Despite the animal's prominence in the family of great apes,

 

Its amazingly humanlike abilities,

Which are refinable, once it's tutored, sufficiently,

To assume the trappings of an adequate vocabulary:

 

The capacity to tell jokes, lie, delineate dreams,

Have enduring friendships, transmit cultural traditions,

Know their own interests, ponder death.

 

Reading this, I must admit I was dumbfounded,

Caught up short, with my intellectual pants down,

More than a trifle nonplussed, to say the least, if not more.

 

After all, ruminating on the seven cited likenesses —

Evidence of the chimpanzee's

Being able to ruminate, meditate, philosophize, worry —

 

I concluded that I wasn't the hot shit I thought I was.

I mean, if a hirsute dumb fuck of a disgusting monkey

Can accomplish the stuff even I can't do too damn well,

 

Such as keeping from running off friends, for selfishness,

Telling jokes that don't gross out the entire Internet,

Forgetting dreams seconds after waking up,

 

Being ashamed of Jewish heritage,

Suffering panic attacks, at the mere mention of death

(I am a legendary expert at telling lies, however),

 

Then what good was it that I got a college education

And still can't outperform a masturbating garden-variety chimp?

I mean, cut the crap! Cut me some slack! Give me a break!

 

To say that I'm deflated, humiliated, is a vast understatement.

I feel fucking dehumanized! So what does that make me?

A monkey's uncle.

 

 

 

 

 

07/31/08 - (2)

 

 

 

 
 
 
 
 
       

 

 
   
Site contents Copyright © 2017, Louis Daniel Brodsky
Visit Louis Daniel Brodsky on Facebook!