Archive 07/22/09 - (1)

   

A Change of Diet

                                                                  

One a.m., he decided on something other than his usual

(Soft-boiled egg, dry white toast, and water — no ice).

He ordered a skunk-in-its-scent omelet,

With a healthy dollop of rattlesnake rattles mixed in,

And a short stack of whole-cannabis-grain toast, on the side.

Instead of his de rigueur iceless water,

He requested curried-rice tea, first, then genuine panther piss.

 

Suffering none of his usual midmorning hunger pangs, at work,

He passed on his PayDay bar, Pringles potato chips, Mr. Pibb,

And ate a five-course meal, in the company commissary,

Consisting of opium-poppy-bulb-and-psilocybin-mushroom salad,

Barbecued-bonobo burger, with ape-sweat chutney, on zwieback,

Fetid feta cheese, polar-bear-semen ice cream, and a persimmon

(Usually, lunch was nothing but a lettuce sandwich).

 

Dinner was his most gustatorily gratifying meal of the day

(It sure beat the heck out of fried bologna and raw onions):

Mountain-lion eyes in aspic, a bowl of goat-testicle consommé,

Bow-tie pasta made of all-cotton/poplin-semolina fabric,

Flambéed filet of baby-Asian-elephant-heart tartar,

Followed by a bottomless parfait of blood-clot spotted dick,

A hookah of corned-beef hashish, and a jeroboam of 1888 Coca-Cola.

 

Why it had taken him so many decades

To come to the stunning realization that his diet required a change,

Not even he could explain.

But on day three, he began to suffer a change of his own.

He found himself chewing his fingernails, then his fingers, at breakfast.

For lunch, he devoured his arms and legs (delish, with horseradish).

Supper's main course was raw torso; dessert was head suzette.

 

 

 

 

                                               

 

07/22/09 - (1)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 
 
 
 
       

 

 
   
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