Oral Morals
Every morning, before showering, dressing for work,
He takes his dose of morals orally,
Downs all seven of them — 15mg Adderall caps,
His anodynes to life's seven deadly sins —
With a double blistering jolt of vodka on the rocks.
After all, as chief pastor to his ministry's congregation
(Consisting of 666 fallen angels
Hoping their fervent repentance, under his revered guidance,
Will gain them grace, election, salvation, resurrection),
He has a responsibility to arrive at church high,
Appear, on the premises, possessed by divine light,
Enlightened by the Lord's heavenly illumination,
Seized by the virtues of celestial afterlife all deserve
Who find, in their earthly trespasses, turpitude, and taints,
Inspiration to turn their souls around, to fellowship with Jesus.
Most early a.m.'s, Pastor Lester,
As he's familiarly known to his devoted flock,
Actually has a second, most often a third, shot of baptism,
To ensure he'll be able to maintain the requisite religious zeal
(And also mask the aftertaste of his toothpaste and Listerine).
What he's never disclosed, certainly not admitted to himself,
Let alone to his five "brothers in Jesus" associate stand-ins
Or his board of administrative and fiscal assistants,
Least of all to his meek helpmeet, Bonnysue Ellen,
Is that his "oral morals" stoke his rabid evangelicalism
And that, if truth be preached, they give him the chutzpah
To perpetrate, perpetuate, and endure his subterfuge,
Deaden the abomination he harbors for sham, hypocrisy —
People who really believe Jesus gives a Christian shit
For those who rely on Him to forgive their unforgivable lives.
10/28/09
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