Archive
08/24/10 - (1)
Macho Man
He takes his waking preparations with high-noon seriousness, Though it's only 5:15 a.m. And he's getting dressed by the dawn's early light, Preparing to fight for his country's right to exist free, Eliminate all threats to Mommy, Old Glory, and apple cobbler.
He's on a mission of the utmost military-industrial import. Having fastidiously showered his wizened body, Dried every inch of his hirsute physique, Consciously not shaving, for the fifth day in a row, So that his reddish stubble might seem a pirate's menacing beard,
He lavishly spritzes himself, from stem to sternum, Skimping on no parts (not even his most private ones), With Chaps Ralph Lauren Natural Spray Cologne, Then sits on the bed he'll leave unmade all day, all week, all month, Positions himself most judiciously, to easily clothe his stiff bones:
First come the faded "Made in China" navy-blue crew socks; Next, the black-simulated-leather-banded Polo wrist watch; Then, his Malaysia-woven green bikini-brief underpants, Followed by his antic version of the shimmy and shake, As he wriggles into the soiled Levi's jeans he molted last evening,
Before installing, with ritualistic proficiency, around his scrawny neck, The chain of his all-purpose, heavy-duty, go-both-ways-for-safety Gold St. Christopher (reverse)/Magen David (obverse) medal And donning his brown-leather Rockport Hydro-Shield waterproof shoes; Finally, he slips into his black Hugo Boss shirt and rolls up the sleeves.
Imposingly coordinated, in his de rigueur uniform, get-up, garb, duds, He's the quintessence, the epitome, the apex of a true dude, Who cuts the fine figure of any number of macho alpha males — Stallone's Rambo, the Marlboro man, Schwarzenegger's Terminator, Clint Eastwood's Dirty Harry, Bruce Willis's Die Hard John McClane,
As he sets off for his rip-roaring showdown with the factory (Where he's responsible for applying the turtle, duck, and bunny decals On the trays of the three highchair models made, for the Chinese trade, By Little Shavers Eat-Well Industries, of LaSalle-Peru, IL), Feeling as awesome as Ralph Lauren himself, incarnate, must feel.
08/24/10 - (1)
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