Archive
04/23/09
TV Pilot for In the Kitchen with Chef Disgusting
It's hard enough for your average John and Juanita Dough To make sweet music out of sweetbreads, sauerbraten, Or sweet-and-sour porcupine encrusted with bottom-feeder plecostomus,
But for me, Chef Disgusting, it's a piece of elephant "cake." I'm the master of creating, from scraps, stir-fried termites thermidor And tournedos of roast-beast fricassee, on toasted coyote points.
For connoisseurs of the most complex of haute cuisines, Might I suggest Catalonian goat eyes and Pyrenees kid kidneys Marinated in gangrene-eye bile gravy, simmered to a volcanic scald?
If you're just kicking back, with your main squeeze or squeezes, Try Komodo dragon testicles-and-penis bouillabaisse, with whoresradish, Or vomit nachos matched with dark-ale sperm of sperm whale.
Of course, if it's strictly black-tie bill of fare you're after, Consider Chef Disgusting's spécialité de la maison: curried cobra ovaries, Along with ginger soufflé of Indian snake charmer.
But if this is a tad too hearty or hardly hearty enough, For the somewhat faint of heart, let me heartily recommend Sautéed hard-on of Reverend Ted Haggard, stuffed with butt fudge.
And for you truly adventurous trenchermen, out there in Disgustingland, Allow me to guide you through the drawing and quartering Of Joey Chestnut, the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest champ,
After which you and your pool party of one hundred gluttons Can, armed with fondue forks and Tiki puka pukas, Stab his stomach's undigested chunks and slather them in limburger.
And if none of today's offerings truly titillates your gourmand's palate, Just skip dinner altogether and dine out at the "Y." Who says yeasty hair-pie éclairs don't make for a complete meal?
04/23/09
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